Sometimes i sit at home
and wonder how it be
if he had loved me truely loved me yes,
i learned a while ago
that kind of thing it never happens for me,
and so i go around and just pretend love is not for me
i play the circus clown around my friends
make them laugh and they wont see
that u never let them see u sweat
dont want them to think the pain runs deep,
Lord knows its killing me
[Chorus:]
So i put on my make up
put a smile on my face
and if anyone ask me everything is ok
im laughing cuz no one knows the joke is on me
cuz im dyin inside with my pride and
a smile on my face...on my face singing,
la la la, la la, lalala,
la la, la la, la la,
la la, la la, la la laLaaaa
Sometimes i sit at home by the phone
hopin he might call me but he dont call me
but then i realize dreams come true
arent for girls like me not like me,
and so i go around with my head up
like it aint no thing
and when the boys around with all my friends
im into other things cuz
U never let them see u sweat
dont want them to think the pain runs deep,
lord knows its killing me
[Chorus:]
So i put on my make up
put a smile on my face
and if anyone ask me everything is ok
im laughing cuz no one
knows the joke is on me
cuz im dyin inside with my pride
and a smile on my face...
on my face oooh
Its not easy (thing to do)
sometimes its hard to (face the truth)
its not the life that i would choose
but what else can i do if he dont love me no
if he dont want me im not about to
Sit around let myself go (gooooo)
[Chorus:]
So i put on my make up put a smile on my face
and if anyone ask me everything is ok
im laughing cuz no one
knows the joke is on me
cuz im dyin inside with my pride
and a smile on my face...on my face singing,
la la la, la la,
lalala, la la, la la, la la,
la la, la la, la la la
sun,tues,weds went for my grandama's bro de songkah(funeral)
SUN went dere aft church and lunch. was fun:) went for thr 1st tym dint feel anithing, coz i don rrly noe him well. cld'nt recognise his pic. but i heard my grandma tok about him. my dad brought mi dere la. wif my 3 uncles. & mum. so im de onli kid~ de adults discussed somethings. den aftdat de 4 guy adults went to de bak to play majong. gr8 hur. and mi and my mum was sitting down at de table. my mum chatted to de people dere. i don recognise anyone dere oso lo! onli yipo, who is my granny de jiejie.
my granny was'nt dere cos she went overseas b4 evt happened. she was comin bak at wed ntye. but too late le cos de cremation was at wed noon. so dey had to change to a earlier flight wich reached at 6-7+.
okes bak to de songkah. my mum was chatting. so i sat down dere eating de peanuts. chew chew chew. dint rrly underswtand wad dey were tokin bout. onli noe a lil bit la. very ps lo. dey tok to mi den i don understand. onli kid dere wif no familiar faces. so i went to see de guys play majong. de location was BAD. it was beside de toilet(smelly) and dere was'nt any fan nearby (hot) so i dint rrly enjoy sittin down dere. moved to de table nxt to it. started to eat de peanuts and swits agn~ was dam sian lo. so on songs. and tings cont for 6HRS!! haiyo. dat meant i ate for 6 hrs lo. +dey served dinner at 6 & supper at 9. omg lo. hais nvm. sent my uncles hm den went hm.
TUES went coz it was de last day b4 de cremation. dere was mani ppl. my couz were here. and my sis too. tis tym de adults played poker, and de kids played dai-di at de other table. at dinner,we went over to see de adults play. hahas.i learnt how to play poker~ xD but i still suck at it. it nidded luk. soon we went hm.
WED hais. tis was a sad day. early morn 6+ woke up and went to de airport wif my dad. to fetch my granny and aunts. haas.wore my new beloved jacket=) dey were sunburned xD den aft fetching dem we sent my aunts hm. dey stay in de same flat xD dere was a jam on de wae bak. wasted alot of our time. aft reachin hm, i went online for a while. it was 8+ then. aft my granny got ready, we went to fetch my aunts and uncle. den we went to de songkah. my granny went to the coffin there wif a few aunties. and she cried~=( so sad sia.mi sis and i was so sad lo. my sis said she heard my ahma say "wei shen me mei you den wo hui lai cai zou" (why nvr wait for mi to come bak b4 u leave) so sad hor. i nearly cried oso lo. seeing my ahma lyk dat. my aunts hlped her come out. she was ok ler lohs. she went to tok wif de uncles dere. her generation de so i don rrly noe dem "no familiar faces~" and mi went to play poker agn. bad luk tis tym. den played dai-di agn oso. had some porridge. aft playin for a while more then we stopped. de ceremony was starting. there was 2 bands dere. one played LOUD hokkien music. and de other softer hokkien music. den my small aunt said to my dad, that when she died nxt tym, she wanted de softer type de music. cos de other too loud. hahas.den i told my sis dat nxt tym i wanted techno xD den she said dat will hab christian music. so i said okes lo, techno christian music xD den soon aft de ceremony started. we went to de front to see wad was happening. curious mar. was gibben a towel wil 2 tencents wrapped by a red papar stuck on it. went forward to see. de taoist priest said sth den asked de close relatives to go there. those who wore de coloured clothes. my aunt told mi wad generation it meant.
black wif de brown-children blue-grandchildren green-greatgrand children red-gr8 gr8grand children.
anw; there was until green nia. dey were lyk teenagers liaos lo. lolx. so im a generation older den them xD then the taoist priest kept asking them to kneel and stand, kneel and stand. aft de individual grps of pple knelt and sortof prayed, de priest brought them to circle the coffin, and they threw de incense paper on the floor. oh tis was sad man. pple started cryin. even the kids and my granny. i wanted to cry agn. held bak lohs. aft circling round,th coffin was carried by de sons to a van. we had to turn our baks. not supp to see them carry for idk wad reason. pplae started crying agn. then the priest asked the pple to follow behind de van we follwed to. placed de towel over the left shoulder. nan zhuo nu you (guys left gals ryte) took a pic of pple walkin behind the van. we were dua pai. hogged the whole lane. even when we were passing by the bus stop and the bus came, we cont walking xD then walked somemore, soon went onto a bus whick sent us to de cremation place. de same ppl knelt there agn. and the coffin was placed at the opening b4 they push it into the funnel. 3 monks came and chanted some thing. took pics agn. then they were asked to circle the place agn. b4 goin bak to kneel down. ppl started crying agn. soon aft the monks were done, we heard a chug sound. heard ppl crying louder de coffin was pushed inside. was fast. den we were told to take de red paper out. we were allowed to kip de 2 tencent coins. dey said to but swit>.< den took out de red thread and pin, flapped the towel den we left. my dad said dat tml de immediate family would come bak to collect de ashes. went bak to de songkah place. had lunch den went bak. was 4+ when i reached hm. ahma went to bathe then slp. i went to my rm to play com. den 7+ went to g12. de lesson was nice. about jaybass. aft makan ,other g12 pple came. region d de la. had audition for christmas i think. haas. den hm straight aft.
